Professor silpheed - biologistYou'd be surprised how many emails I get asking questions about the human body. You really would. Here's the ones that don't sell penis enlargement pills.
If the hair on our heads just keeps on growing, then how does our body hair know when to stop growing?
We all know that hair follicles have no brains, and therefore have no intelligible way of controlling their growth rate. This is the role of the human body's Gaiashield. The Gaiashield is a field of energy that surrounds the human body, floating a few millimetres above the skin. Hair can not penetrate the Gaiashield and human eyes can not see it. The Gaiashield reaches almost all of the way around the human body, stopping where the neck sprouts from the torso. This is evidenced by the thin band of hairless skin between a man's beard and his chest hair. A manly man.
Man is special among mammals. Fur is a common trait among the lesser species, while evolution has blessed Homo sapiens with a Gaiashield to spare it from this unsightly feature. Further reading: see AT field.
I hear that salamanders can regenerate missing limbs. Why can't people?
Contrary to popular belief, we can! Amputees have long complained of a condition known as phantom limb syndrome, this is where an amputee still experiences a pain that seems to have come from where their former limb once was. The truth of the matter is that once amputated, human limbs do regenerate over a number of weeks, albeit without their light-reflecting molecules. This has the effect of making the new limb invisible to the owner and to others. The owner simply suspects that their limb is missing and cares not to avoid furniture edges and table tops, thus causing their "phantom" pain.
Why do foods that are bad for us taste so great?
It's one of the cruel ironies of life, isn't it? For some reason, cherry pie tastes like heaven while rice crackers taste like wallpaper. It's not the food's fault, and even if it were, I can't stay mad at cherry pie for long. An apple doesn't know that it tastes like an apple, that's a job for our bodies to determine. Chemicals released by foods stimulate sensors on our tongues, letting our brains know what food is being "tasted". Some people find certain foods tastier than others, so taste is subjective.
Nutrition, however, is not subjective. Food that is good for you is likely to also be good for anyone else. So why wouldn't our brains associate the chemicals given off by healthy foods as "tasty" and those of unhealthy foods as "yuck"? Surely we're in the business of self preservation.
Well, we aren't. Deep down subconsciously, we all really hate ourselves. Associating unhealthy foods with tasting nice is the body's way of killing us slowly, one Krispy Kreme Burger at a time. Rather than evolving a link between nutritious food and great taste, our own simmering self-hatred has taken us down the road of death by wallowing gluttony, like a mother that poisons her child little by little for the attention. Sorry kids, but you can't beat evolution, especially when it's being vengeful.
Where do babies come from?
Errr...
Is it true that we only use 10% of our brain?
Ahhh, the brain. A puzzle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a casing of bone, flesh, blood and other fluids. I suspect that some people use substantially less than 10%, but I digress.
The simple truth is that the human body is not driven by the brain itself, but by ghosts that sit just behind our eyes. Our squishy brains make for a suitable captain's chair for our spirit pilots. Neurosurgeons have known of this fact since the early days of trepanation, which is why they have a suction tube on hand to catch the ghost should they accidentally free it.
I suppose it is fair to say that only 10% of the brain is ever used, in so much as only 10% of a chair is ever sat on. The percentage of brain "use" is determined by a number of factors, such as the ghost's posture and the depth of the arse-groove made in the grey matter. Fat people are driven by fat ghosts, so the percentage of brain usage goes up accordingly. Further reading: see Christian science.
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ok, i swear that i didn't know about this before i posted, but get a load of this:
http://www.gaiashield.com/two.html
what a bunch of loons!
It's funny and sad at the same time. It's almost as good as one of my uni lecturers explaining to the class that through the use of assisted reproduction technology and c-sections that women will lose the muscular ability to give birth in just a few generations. I tried to explain to her where Lamarkism falls down in evolutionary biology, but she hadn't even heard of the term. And she's going for her doctorate!
If only we could somehow create computer virii that physically infect people who view web pages based on certain criteria. For example, there are definitely people stupid enough to take the above explanations seriously - if we could somehow quickly and anonymously take them out, the world would be a much emptier, much better place. Although stupid people can come in handy for a labor force. Then again if the intelligentsia were forced to do menial tasks, they'd just come up with ways to perform them easier, better and more autonomously anyway. So yeah, lets get rid of the dead weight. Start with anyone who's a dualist, as illustrated by your last answer ;)
Heh, once had to explain to a philosophy phd (doing a critique of western thought no less) what Protestantism was. She thought Hillsong was Catholic somehow, I think they hand those things out in cereal packets nowadays.
Then again if the intelligentsia were forced to do menial tasks, they'd just come up with ways to perform them easier, better and more autonomously anyway.
No, they'd have meeting after meeting talking about doing things and wasting everyones time. Trust me on this, working directly for an academic is an infuriating experience.
The owner simply suspects that their limb is missing and cares not to avoid furniture edges and table tops, thus causing their "phantom" pain.
ahahahahahaha
Sorry to threadjack but everyone has to read this bit of grim wit by PJ O'Rourke. Especially you Professor Slipheed.
Mat, i think you were confusing "intelligentsia" with "bureaucrats", but yeah, if we had to buzz-kill back to reality a bit the same could be said.
BTW, that article...
"We are 80 million strong. That's a number equal to almost two-thirds of the registered voters in the United States. Do what we say or we will ballot you into a socio-economic condition that will make North Korea look like the clubhouse at Pebble Beach."
Hilariously, scarily, great piece of writing.
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