Buy my voteIt was 2001 and I was about to pop my electoral cherry. I turned up to the polling booth at my high school, all high on social responsibility and civic duty. My dad gave me some words of advice before I left: "Son, if you don't vote for one of the two main parties, your vote is wasted". Well screw you dad, one man CAN make a difference. I voted Green.
Dammit! No-one told me that the Greens weren't a REAL political party.
2004 came around and Latham was my homie. Howard an arselicker? Hahaha, he sure is. I was going through university at the time and I saw the crap level of teaching that my university had been reduced to by relying on foreign students for income. Couple that with replacing HECS with a loan-based system and Labor had my vote this time.
Oh come on.
Well, no more. I've sold my soul and become the worst kind of person imaginable. I have become... a swing voter. A man with no morals, no foresight, and yet is able to make the major parties dance like those crying Russian bears that I see on nature shows. Here are the issues that I think will decide my vote.
We need this bad. I won't say too much on this, but I wrote a post on it a few weeks ago so go and read that. I think that Labor is insane for refusing nuclear power outright, I smell a deal made with Peter Garrett along the lines of "tow the party line and we'll let you pick one issue that you can keep".
Winners: Liberals, Nationals
Losers: Labor, Democrats, Greens
Have you seen the price of houses these days? Or even over the last five years? Jesus Christ! Negative gearing has allowed baby-boomer fucktards to gobble up everything even slightly affordable to new home buyers. If anything gets me fired up, it's this. My blood boils when I overhear a fifty-year-old bragging about their latest investment house that they leapfrogged with the equity from a previously purchased house.
The Coalition is committed to keeping this travesty going, they treat houses as investments. Forget superannuation, that's too "Labory". Frankly, if Labor stay silent on this, that puts them ahead. Luckily, they have half a plan. I'd rather have the government own half of my house than some stranger with that shared equity bullshit that people do these days. The Democrats' housing policy is even better, though a little airy-fairy.
Winners: Democrats, Labor
Losers: Liberals, Nationals
I don't need to say much here. If you know anyone who approves of this idiocy, you'll probably find ten who are against it. What does Labor propose to replace it? Who cares?
The Coalition rants about unions this and unions that, maybe my generation has never experienced the apparent greed that worker's unions get accused of. Heaven forbid that we pay someone to look out for us, they're obviously needed when our own government pulls crap like Work Choices on us.
Winners: Labor, Democrats, Greens
Losers: Liberals, Nationals
This one was resolved last year, thankfully in the affirmative. Every vote should be a conscience vote.
No-one deserves living in a wheelchair for all of their lives. I find it disgusting when an effort to help all of humanity is rejected because WE'RE MURDERING GOD'S CHILDREN! Of course research often doesn't lead to a treatment, and maybe it will build false hopes, but Christians are in no position to argue against giving false hope.
Winners: Everyone (conscience vote)
Losers: Uppity Christian types
I respect your decision to be a swinging voter, even if it means you are a immoral asshat devoid of ethics and decency, making you a human on one of the lowest rungs of the humanity ladder.
That being said, I approve of pretty much all your viewpoints on current topics/policies. And approval from anonymous is very important!
I'll conclude this post by stating if you ever vote Liberal or Family First, I will remove your testicles slowly and feed them to you before slicing off your penis slowly over an hour without anaesthetic. Voting for Nationals results in only the loss of your testicles, you can keep your (slightly less functional) wang...
The main word I got from this post is "swinger", so you're alright in my books. Let me know when ur next party is.
What about values?
Fuck all the rest of that tenuous, wishy-washy crap you've talked about.
Kevin Rudd is a douche... not to be confused with a doosh. The only time I would vote for Labor with Rudd at the helm is if Christopher Pyne was Leader of the Coalition. He outdouches Rudd, but amuses me too.
Actually, one good thing about Rudd is that he knows China, because one day, probably not to far away, China will pwn us all.
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