Reporting From The PhilippinesMabuhay!
You may of heard of the Philippines lately in the news. The situation was tense, things about to ignite into a fire-fight at a moment's notice. Holed up in a hotel room not wanting to come out. And that was just me with regards to my father-in-law-to-be-one-day-but-not-too-soon.
That's right, I was in the Philippines not to find a new bride, but to meet my mother-in-law-to-be's family. Although it wasn't quite Focker-esque it was a bit daunting.
Now I had never been overseas before, in fact never more than about 5 metres out of Queensland. And here I was with azns everywhere, and I was the whitest guy in town, and it wasn't just china-town, this was the real deal.
When I signed up for this trip, I knew there would be a culture shock. I mean Filipinos live differently to us Aussies. I knew there would be slums, and relatively poor people. I had heard there would be open-air meat markets and strange smells that were quite potent, and food that would make me dry reach at the thought of, people throwing their sewerage on to the street etc, but I was pleasantly surprised it really wasn't that much of a shock at all. But there were some interesting experiences I'd like to tell you about.
The roads there are pretty much lawless. However after some observation there are some simple rules to abide by.
1. Do not assume anyone will give way to you.
2. Do not give way to anyone unless failing to causes you to hit them.
3. It it courteous to beep your horn as you squeeze down the middle of two lanes between cars, as you cut someone off, or to let someone know you definately are not going to give way.
4. If the guy in front of you is driving on the wrong side of the road, it's A-OK to follow him.
5. If you need to cross on-coming traffic, get your nose into one lane when there is room to (a motorbike going past is a good oppurtunity), and work your way across the road (remember rule 2), blocking all lanes as you do so.
6. Taxi drivers may dis-regard the above.
The first few Taxis I caught were definately an experience. I couldn't work out if the driver was on a death-wish or actually a really good driver. But her sure got me there quick. The roads there are generally very poor so driving at 60km/h feels like driving down your surburban street at 140km/h, so it actually isn't overly dangerous and the traffic flows surprisingly well. I was riding around on a motorbike in the city after being there for a few days.
Here's a tip for young players. Do not get in a political/economic argument with your father-law-to-be when you are overseas with him, in his house, using his transportation to get around and also nailing his daughter. I was having a merry old time until this went down. For the following week things were rather tense, and well he didn't take me on the sight-seeing I had hoped, and I was quite glad when it was time to fly home (him staying on there). By the way, I was right.
This is something I have never really had to experience. Unless you count being a red-head a minority. Not that I am a red-head, I think it's strawberry blonde, anyway thats for another post. In case you havn't seen a Filipino they range from tanned to niggerish (I believe that is the technical term) in complexion, I on the other hand am almost as white as snow. Also the average Filipino is about 5'4" where as I am 6". So I really did stand out. It's a little unnerving being the person people stare at out of the corner of their eye. People even yelled things at me; such as 'Hey Joe', 'American', 'Euro'. I'm still not sure if that was derogatory or endearing. On the other hand, chicks there think I'm rich (and relative to them I am) and want to love me long-time. On the other-other-hand, nearly all of them were pretty much monkeys.
Yes it is true that a lot of Pinoy's are quite poor, and subsist on mainly rice, but you know what? They seem pretty happy to me. And the most convincing proof I have of that was; There are no emos! That's right. It took me about a week to work that out but when I realised it, the evidence was stunning. There's noone moping about whinging about how hard their life is, they're just getting on with it, and making the most of what they have. Kids on those world visions ads, take note.
I can confirm there is definately an azn smell. I had a short stopover in Taipei and it was there too. It kind of smells like a chinese take-away only not in a nice way. But you do get used to it. I'm pretty sure there is a white-person smell too, and I doubt it smells like roses either.
Every filipino loves the cock. Many cocks in fact. The area I stayed in was renowned for the quality of cock it produces. But it's only when you get cock on cock action that the filipinos really get excited. You can even see cocks on local TV. I actually bought a pink shirt with two large cocks on it. It's quite refreshing to experience a culture where cock on cock action is not frowned upon but instead celebrated. Yes I am talking about penis cock-fighting of course.
I could go on all day about this, but seeing as there is only 35min left in this one and I have to work tommorow, I bid you adieu.
Well this is my first post here on Boredomistan, so feel free to tell me how shit it is.
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