God hates cats, kittens
HEAVEN - Reclusive creator of all, God, has broken his silence to condemn Felis Cattus, the common family cat. "I really hate cats. Pampered, needy, spiteful little things. I made them you know, ungrateful little scamps", said God from the popular video sharing platform YouTube. "I like horses. Noble creatures those horses".
"Yes, the rumours are true. I really do kill a kitten every time you masturbate. Or even when you don't look both ways when crossing the street", said God, sporting a pair of boxed 'emo' spectacles. "You kids mightn't be old enough to remember this, but the Egyptians used to worship cats! Hahaha, fucking pansies. Yes, I am allowed to say 'fucking'. I am God!"
Local cat owner and Christian Sarah Pillman experienced mixed emotions when disposing of her beloved pet Mr. Mittens. "Mr. Mittens has always been there for me. Now I know that his loyalty was just a cruel trick that God was playing on me", said Ms Pillman. "At least he's in a better place now, kitty heave... oh, that's right, God hates cats. Hmmm".
Outspoken Archbishop George Pell held a press conference earlier this morning, flanked by casual observer Tony Abbott. "Praise Him, for He has spoken. Allow a cat into your home and you are allowing Lucifer! Don't believe Labor's lies, a Rudd-Gillard government will elevate cats to the highest echelons of power".
God has made it clear that he would only be responding to cat or cat-related questions on his video blog or 'vlog'. When pressed by a 'netizen' on war and famine, God simply waved the question away, turning the inquisitive YouTube user into a pillar of salt. "Everyone knows of the local crazy cat woman, but no-one's heard of a crazy dog woman. There's a reason for that".
"I also hate women".
«PreviousNext»
Fuck! I had no idea. I'll drown my cat in the bath when I get home. Thanks for the heads-up.
I love cats. I have two. People used to have children, but cats are the new children. Clearly we have evolved. And clearly cats in governmental power would make the country a lot more fun. Except for rats and mice and small birds, who would of course be tortured for hours on end for, you know, the fun of it. But just imagine an episode of Thundercats and then imagine if that was question time!
In conclusion, that was very left field and slightly Onion-esque and not really very funny. Further marks were also deducted for perpetuating theistic belief. C minus - please see me after class.
HEY TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE SO I CAN COME SHIT TWICE ON YOU...THEN DROWN YOU IN A PUDDLE OF YOUR OWN PISS YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN..IF THERE IS A GOD(WHICH THERE ISN'T, BUT IN THIS CASE I WISH THERE WAS)HE WILL REINCARNATE YOU AS AN ADORABLE KITTY..AND YOU WILL HATE YOUR LIFE FOREVER
OMG! this is soo not true. i almost cried wen i saw the pic and read the article. cats are cut, innocinte little animals who deserve so such treatmaent. i mean seriously, how could u do such an evil thing to such a cute face....? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! God created the animals he put on this earth beacuse he loves them all. I also cant belive wat u said about God! u are and evil person who has no idea wat you're telking bout. comment back and really tell me why and how u could do this! And wats so wrong with women? Im a 13 year old wgo knows more that u!
i meant CUTE not cut........ and i meant to type they DONT deserve such treatment...... the reason i kept messing up is because im so OUTRAGED by wat u said!!!!!
i cant belive you u are a wanka you kill poor inoceant cats how could somone ever do that u have no heart i bet u u will die young u ungrateful bastard.
p.s Maybe you should take a long hard look at your self and do what your doing to the cats to your self you bloody asshole
you know what, you will burn in hell! you have no heart and think you are too good for anything INCLUDING GOD! i was just looking up stuff about cats and i cam accross this! i saw this horrible image of a total ass choking a cat and was curios to see wat it was! i read your lie of an artical and knew that you know nothing about god! if i knew where you lived, you wood be sorry!!! i am a very religios person and i dont care wat u think of that! if you have ever read the bible your perspectif wood be SOOO different! how about i pick you up and drown you to death! as you an see seven other people sed almost the same thing as me! oh yeah and you are a heprecrit for saying that you hate women when you are one you dam lesbein!
i totaly agree with the girl who is thirteen! cause im a thirteen year old girl who love every single animal on the earth! accept for you! you can burn and rott in hell you ass!
you know thats not true, but you guys go way to far trying to tell people who say its so true that there wrong. just take a chill pill. and god loves everyone and everything, if you believe in him. if this was ture i would hate god.
You know how Freakin insane u r. God created ctreatures. CaTs are mysterious and amazing. You r scared of their close power to you. After you die and before you go to hell, im sure God will let all the poor kitties you killed will still have their claws. Die you F'in idiot, DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
stuart.mason19@btinternet.com. Thats My e-mail. I live in South Wales Near Cardiff. I have three cats. Why dont you e-mail me & get in touch. I would love to meet you in person. Would love to discuss your ethnics, philosophy & morality. To understand your mindset... Wld be interesting.. Then after our chat.. Then if you want, I,ll dress up as a cute kitten in some way & you could try & kill me.. Although I feel that wouldn,t really appeal to you somehow. Something on the same physical level as you. Matched in physical strength and mental ability. How about it..?? Me and you Manno Vs Manno?? Not some helpless, less intelligent than ourselves, animal who could not possible match defend itself from nightmares like yourself.. Infact I beg of you to contact me so we can discuss things a little more in detail... Not sure what the outcome of the cat photo on here was.. But will be happy to chat with you about it in more detail.. Just me & you, locked in a small room together... I look forward to your reply...
you suck!!!!!Cats r the best YOU shuld do tat to yourself you freaking asshole drown in your own piss!!!
[PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE][/PURPLE]stuart.mason19@btinternet.com. Thats My e-mail. I live in South Wales Near Cardiff. I have three cats. Why dont you e-mail me & get in touch. I would love to meet you in person. Would love to discuss your ethnics, philosophy & morality. To understand your mindset... Wld be interesting.. Then after our chat.. Then if you want, I,ll dress up as a cute kitten in some way & you could try & kill me.. Although I feel that wouldn,t really appeal to you somehow. Something on the same physical level as you. Matched in physical strength and mental ability. How about it..?? Me and you Manno Vs Manno?? Not some helpless, less intelligent than ourselves, animal who could not possible match defend itself from nightmares like yourself.. Infact I beg of you to contact me so we can discuss things a little more in detail... Not sure what the outcome of the cat photo on here was.. But will be happy to chat with you about it in more detail.. Just me & you, locked in a small room together... I look forward to your reply...
Stuart
You are a sick and miserable human who should not share the same air as a cat. I hope that you see the value of cats someday and are ashamed of this article. May you learn of the grace of God and be humbled under the weight of his might.
I really feel bad for you. Of all the happiness and content you could feel in the world, you chose to live your one and only life out by hating cats (and women). What have they done to you? What good does it do to harm them? Are you going to lie on your death bed, reminiscing about your life only to have memories of harming cats? Pathetic, no?
Maybe you should go into a little psychotheraphy.
I hope you don't harm people as well.
Trash create problem and men solve it.
Maybe it's time for you to become a man.
Omfg!!! What a sick individual you are. I am really upset by this. Hope the animal welfare society comes after you. What has that sweet little kitty ever done to you you asshole! Hope you rot in hell. Oh and god don't hate cats nor women.We are on earth for a reason. Sad bastard you are.How would you like it if someone had their arms around your neck and drowned you ?!
...wow.
Guys, this article is in no way serious. It's written in the style of a typical The Onion article, a site that makes fictional news.
The cat in the picture is not my cat, you can find many more pictures like it by doing a Google Images search for "wet cat", which is what I have done here.
Once again, not serious.
I would just like to say that i dont like cats but that doesnt mean that i kill them are you serious you have got some real issues and just for your info God created cats why would he hate them he loves his creation and you are sick and need to get some help those cats did nothing to you you wouldnt want someone that was bigger than you to come in and just kill you because they thought God didnt like you or they didnt like you. you should be put in jail for a very long long time and put on some kind of medication
dont kill cats they are so cute and how dare you say somthing like that about god cause god loves every livin creature
Log in
Forgotten your password?
- OR -
- OR -
