A very white ChristmasI'm lazy, so you're going to have to settle for another of my 2001 posts. Did you know that in 2001, Australia's Prime Minister was John Howard, Big Brother was full of vacuous retards and the bulk of the Internet was porn and illegally copied material. How times change.
This post was full of more shit than most, so I've cut about half of it out. Apparently spellcheckers didn't exist in 2001.
I was sitting in my loungeroom at the tender age of four, watching TV as four year olds do, on the floor, three inches from the screen. My mum called out from the kitchen and told me to let our guests in. I went to the window to see who's coming, and I got very, very scared. Walking up the driveway were three men, dressed in white with big white hoods on. I ran away frightened thinking that three boogiemen were about to get me. I hid around the corner and watched as they invited themselves in and greeted my parents, without speaking. I followed the happy group from a distance, still too frightened to be seen. They were all in the kitchen having a cup of tea, as though they were all old friends.
This nightmare was probably my very first, and it was the beginning of a series as well. Every few nights those crazy guys terrified me with, well, some pretty mundane things actually. They stood around, watched TV, had a barbeque, one of them was even on the toilet when I opened the door to go myself, but they never spoke. They didn't even have mouths, it still terrified me all the same. So after a couple of weeks of this I happened to be watching the news, and I saw these exact same people, but they were in bigger numbers and they were talking, very loudly. To me they were boogiemen, but in reality they were Ku Klux Klansmen.
I told my parents about my nightmares and seeing these same people on TV. It was pretty much a waste of time, my parents weren't the wise speechgiving type I saw on sitcoms. Then again, Bob Saget never had to explain the Ku Klux Klan to an Olsen twin. Growing up in a middle class neighbourhood, I had no idea what a homosexual was, or a Jew. All I knew of black people was that they were literally black people. I was left with more questions than before.
Eventually my dreams stopped and the years rolled on. Scary white men were replaced with scary dinosaurs, Megatron killed Optimus Prime, Superman became a cripple and I evolved into a relatively fearless adult. The Ku Klux Klan didn't change much, although now I understood the words that they used. Niggers were black people, faggot slime were homosexuals but Jews were still called Jews. I guess that's the gentleman's racism. They still preach white superiority whilst aligning themselves with history's greatest losers (Nazis, Confederates, etc.).
Well, it's almost that time of the year again (Note: this post was written close to Christmas). Oddly enough I'm just starting to see people get all Christmassy now, rather than mid October when the shops usually tell us to do so. Some people blame certain events that happened a few months ago, they're probably right (Note: this post was written after 11th September). There won't be many toy planes this year. I don't have my tree up yet either, and it usually stays up till February.
What's the KKK got to do with Christmas? You'd think they'd be more at home during Hallowe'en, but look closer, Santa just may be hiding something behind his jolly exterior. The one thing that terrified young me as much as those boogiemen was... Santa. Now that I think about it as an adult, it makes more and more sense. Here we have a white, very Aryan looking man who makes a habit of ignoring Jewish kids and giving black coal to the naughty ones. Lets review the evidence...
Real Name: Saint Nicholas of Myra
Occupation: Present deliverer
Responsibilities: Direct command over a group of pointy headed men
Appearance: Elderly, short, bearded, rotund, wears red and white robes with a black belt
Business Hours: Mainly at night and in secrecy
Sightings: Only seen on special occasions
Hobbies: Chess, crosswords, enjoys water sports
Real Name: David Lane (Alabama Realm)
Occupation: Hate deliverer
Responsibilities: Direct command over a group of pointy headed men
Appearance: Elderly, short, bearded, rotund, wears red and white robes with a black belt
Business Hours: Mainly at night and in secrecy
Sightings: Only seen on special occasions
Hobbies: Chess, crosswords, enjoys water sports
What on Earth made me want to link Santa with those knights in white satin? Recently I saw a, I guess you could call it a propaganda video about these people. The things I saw are worthy of a dozen more posts but I'll get to the relevant part. The video ended with a klansman handing out leaflets at an airport, and yes, it was Santa. I suppose black people can't afford to fly anyway.
Jesus, I used to be a raving nutbag! Yeah, used to be...
I think that will do it for my funky flashbacks. Everything else is hate pieces about people who aren't celebrities anymore. I wish I had written more back then, the world really was a different place.
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